Booted and Bound

Tag: structure

  • How Collars Shape Our Dom/sub dynamic

    How Collars Shape Our Dom/sub dynamic

    “A gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a man perfected without trials.” – Lucias Seneca

    boy s37

    The work day for Your boy is over for today -may Your boy wear Your chain collar Sir?

    (s37 approaches Sir Zuegi with collar in hand and presents for Him)

    Sir Zuegi

    Yes boy.

    (Sir Zuegi reaches for the collar to lock it on His boy)

    Recently, we had a detailed conversation about collaring and what it means to Sir Zuegi and His boy s37.  In this blog entry, we will describe how collars are used in our D/s (Dom/sub) dynamic, the meaning behind them, and how that is evolving over time.

    What does the collar mean to Sir and His boy?

    Sir Zuegi: For Me, the collar represents my domination over my boy. It is both a physical and psychological item that transforms my headspace. When I see my boy in his collar it is a visual representation of our dynamic. I enjoy being asked at events if he is collared for Me, which I excitedly reply yes. The collar is both a tangible item that is our dynamic and also portrays that to others as well.

    boy s37: For this boy, the collar represents my commitment to Sir Zuegi as His leatherboy, and so long as I am allowed to wear His collar, then this boy is dedicated to all He expects of me.  The collar gives me an incredible sense of security and belonging.  When in Sir’s collar, this boy feels part of something much larger and is compelled to be a more obedient boy focused on improving for Him.  

    What are the collar types in our D/s dynamic?

    In our D/s relationship, Sir has defined four physical collar types and one virtual collar type:

    Physical Types:

    Daily Collar – This collar is a thin piece of leather with a handmade glass pendant of the leatherboy flag.  This collar represents Sir’s boy’s will to serve and uphold the values of the leathermen lifestyle.  This boy is often in this collar and wears it throughout the day when at work.  This collar is more easily disguisable as most would see it as art and wouldn’t understand the significance of it.  Sir has a matching BDSM glass flag pendant, which He sometimes wears.

    Chain Collar – This collar is a heavy chain and lock that can only be removed with a key.  This collar is more substantial and harder to disguise as it is tight enough around the neck to not be easily hidden under a shirt.  This collar carries more significance for public protocol that Sir requires.

    Training Collar – This is a leather locking collar with a simple D ring in the front for a leash attachment.  This collar is worn when Sir expects a high level of communication protocol from His boy.  This collar carries a number of service requirements that establish a more formal setting between Sir and His boy.

    Bondage Collar – This is a leather or rubber locking collar with many bondage D rings for attachment.  Leather or rubber is used depending on the context the collar is being used in.  These collars have the highest level communication protocol requirement.  The collars are generally used in the dungeon playspace or when Sir requires absolute control and obedience from His boy.

    Virtual Type:

    No-Collar: The no-collar is a virtual collar type that Sir’s boy can wear when Sir tells His boy he is to be in no-collar mode or when His boy uses the safeword and requests to be in no-collar mode.  The no-collar effectively turns off all protocols and expectations that a physical collar carries and symbolizes.  This collar can be used during certain travel scenarios or when visiting family in order to shut off our D/s protocol and ritual requirements.  We have found that this prevents having D/s expectations during times when it is difficult to maintain the lifestyle, however this gets used very infrequently.

    What are our current collar rituals and protocols?

    This is where things get interesting and differ in our D/s dynamic.  Many of the protocols and service expectations in our D/s are dependent and tied to the usage of the various collar types.  Each collar represents a level of protocol and service requirement that Sir expects.  

    The following are examples:

    • Daily Collar: When wearing this collar, this boy must always perform the AM ritual, which informs Sir of this boy’s chastity status and days since last allowed release.  
    • Chain Collar: This boy walks slightly behind Sir’s right heel when in public.
    • Training Collar: This boy must provide AM coffee service to Sir, ensuring Sir has His coffee the way He likes it right out of bed.
    • Bondage Collar: This boy should be in a kneeling present position and awaiting any order from Sir.  If kneeling is not appropriate then this boy will be in standing present.

    This is only a sampling – as each collar has numerous protocols and service expectations.  Each collar inherits the protocols before it, so as an example, the bondage collar represents all the controls for bondage, training, chain and daily collar types.  This makes it so that the collars build on each other.

    The collar types with associated protocols, rituals and services has been a great tool to structure our BDSM dynamic.  What this boy most appreciates about this structure is that he can clearly understand what is expected of him based on what collar Sir has placed him in.  

    How is collaring evolving in our relationship?

     Both Sir and His boy agree that collaring has been a significant part of our D/s dynamic, and therefore we continue to grow with this and be clear with each other on expectations and challenges.  During a recent conversation about collaring, a number of areas were identified for growth and improvement.  We continue to work through these as a means to strengthen our commitment.

    Sir identified a challenge where it sometimes isn’t clear to Him when His boy is done with work and able to be in a more service mindset.  While this boy always aims to serve, there are challenges during the work week, especially since this boy works from home which blurs any boundaries.  We are working to solve this through collaring, and this boy is now requesting Sir’s permission to wear His chain collar after the workday is done.  This has created a clear delineation in the day and feels like a much more natural transition.  Also, this boy has noticed that his stress levels go down immediately when Sir places the chain around His boy’s neck.

    Sir is often gone for business, and this leaves His boy to figure out collar changes on his own.  Our current collaring protocols do not define this well, and His boy identified this as a challenge area.  This boy wants to honor Sir’s collars and His expectations for them, and feels he needs more structure to know when to collar and change collars for Sir.

    The current daily-collar isn’t shower or workout friendly, which requires this boy to remove it at times throughout the day.  Sir’s collar gives this boy such an incredible sense of security that removing it, even for a brief period, interrupts this boy’s sense of connectedness.  Therefore, a more durable daily-collar could reduce and/or eliminate the need for most removals.

    Lastly, protocols, rituals and services tied to each collar continue to evolve as Sir sees fit to help with His boy’s growth and development.  This is a constant evolution that will continue to morph and change as Sir’s needs and expectations change.  

    This boy is grateful to wear Sir’s collars, and wears each of them with a sense of pride and gratitude.  This boy looks forward to this continued evolution as we work to make our D/s dynamic stronger and more resilient.

    What role does collaring play in your relationship? How have your collaring expectations changed over time and where do you see them going?

    Approved for posting by Sir Zuegi.

  • Evolution of Health and Fitness in Our Dom/sub Dynamic

    Evolution of Health and Fitness in Our Dom/sub Dynamic

    “If there is no struggle, there is no progress.”

    Health and fitness is one of the core tenants of our D/s dynamic. Earlier this year, this boy wrote about how we incorporated health and fitness into our dynamic, and the rituals we use to share progress and stay on track.  Here, Sir’s boy will elaborate on how things are progressing with a focus on what has worked and what hasn’t and some adjustments we are making along the way.

    The first step in our health and fitness dynamic was setting goals.  Sir’s long term goals for us are written to be achievable in a one year timeframe.  With half the year over, we’re learning that setting short term goals is equally as important as long term goals. For example, this boy has an approved goal to improve cardiovascular health and endurance, but at this point in the year, this boy has not made significant progress in this area. Setting a short term goal to run x miles per week, or to get into the boxing gym x times per week would be a way to make progress while working towards the long-term goal achievement. So, having short term focused goal milestones that support our long term goals has been necessary for us to make consistent measurable progress. 

    Tracking is an important aspect of our dynamic, and seeing measurable progress towards goals is critical for motivation and focus. However, focusing primarily on muscle growth leaves blind spots that don’t highlight forward progress in other areas. We have found it equally important to measure habits that lead to long term growth. For example, measuring weekly pushups completed has helped this boy understand how progress towards overall improved chest growth is working towards achieving Sir’s approved goal. So, we have found that measuring things that lead to good habits in addition to body measures results in better long-term development.

    We have added service aspects to our dynamic, and many have fallen flat. For example, we experimented with this boy providing Sir with workouts He can complete. We also experimented with this boy making protein shakes for Sir after His workouts.  These attempts have failed to contribute to our overall dynamic due to scheduling or other issues making service inconsistent or impractical. Our finding is that we need to spend more time up front discussing service ideas to make sure they are practical and contribute to our overall dynamic. Otherwise, service can lead to inconsistency, and inconsistency erodes the quality of a D/s dynamic very quickly. 

    Rituals and scenes have been vital to our dynamic. Our monthly measurement and reporting scene is key to leveling on expectations and for setting future direction. A key discovery for this boy is that waiting a full month to discuss progress is not enough to keep the dynamic juices flowing. This is an area where we are leaning in and making adjustments. For example, this boy now has weekly short-term goals where progress is shared online with the community. Boy s37 believes there is also an opportunity to start sharing this with Sir so that there is improved visibility. In addition, this boy has started to share a daily workout plan and schedule with Sir during our AM ritual. This has been a major improvement to keep our health & fitness dynamic present and top of mind each day. Sharing this with Sir daily keeps His boy accountable and increases vulnerability thus improving headspace that contributes to the overall D/s dynamic. A key takeaway is that you can’t discuss this stuff enough. Be willing to go the distance and increase your vulnerability so that it improves your headspace.

    Our latest focus is on establishing service with a focus on what works for us. It is of vital importance for this sub to feel he is providing service to Sir that He appreciates and that this boy can be successful delivering. We have been focused on areas of power exchange and discussing ideas at great length where we both have common interest (more on this in a future post).  We both have a major interest in diet control, and specifically, we have identified meal planning as an area for service so that we can both eat better.  We recently sat down and discussed meal planning, and narrowed it down to the following service dynamic addition:

    • Sir requires His boy to create a weekly meal plan and to present it each Sunday at the AM ritual if both Sir and His boy are home.

    We kept this service open ended enough where it can evolve over time, and where Sir can dial up or dial down His expectations based on His needs and His boy’s availability. As an example, we didn’t define who cooks the meals so that we can keep this practical and He can layer in future expectations to keep this dynamic interesting.    A key takeaway is that service must be practical and requires a lot of discussion, discovery and experimentation to get it dialed in.

    And last but not least, it is critical to understand that a D/s dynamic must change over time. Things come up, health issues arise, and being overly rigid can sound hot, but ultimately it can erode headspace and the feeling of engagement. We continue to increase our communication about our health & fitness dynamic, because the more we talk, the deeper we get in the dynamic. His expectations alone aren’t going to make His boy successful – but his willingness to be vulnerable for Sir and to work hard at making incremental improvements is key to realizing our desired outcomes. 

    What are your successes and failures with measured dynamic outcomes? How have your expectations changed over time as your D/s dynamic evolves?

    Written by s37 and approved for posting by Sir Zuegi.