Booted and Bound

Tag: relationships

  • Navigating My Kink Journey: Finding Authenticity

    Navigating My Kink Journey: Finding Authenticity

    Success comes from curiosity, concentration, perseverance and self-criticism. – Albert Einstein

    I have had many new experiences in the last 60 days, each of which could be its own blog entry.  I appeared in full formal leather uniform in public with Sir for the very first time in March!  I volunteered for a local Avatar leather club BDSM play party – which was my first time ever volunteering for a leather event or attending a public play party!  My Sir and I participated in a local community leather social get together to meet folks in our local community.  And, we attended CLAW 25 in Cleveland, where I saw a spectacular presentation on boxing which absolutely blew my mind (who knew there were others that shared a boxing/fight kink)! I even learned some new fast and quick rope tie bondage techniques which really piqued my bondage interests.

    And, you ask, how do I feel about all of this?  OVERWHELMED!

    Let’s start back at the beginning…. back in mid 2024, I joined a book club hosted by the Chicago Leather Archive & Museum, and I committed to reading and reviewing three books – Real Service by Raven Kaldera & Joshua Tenpenny, Protocols – A Variety of View: A Power Exchange Resource Book by Bob Rubel & L.C. Morgynn and The Deep Psychology of BDSM and Kink by Douglas Thomas.  What transpired after this new learning has been a rapid pace and aggressive growth journey that I still find myself on to this day.  From all of this new learning, I concluded that I need to be more authentic with myself and that I need to pursue my full identity by embracing leather.

    I have been kink-positive my entire adult life.  I’d pull out my kink identity just long enough to fulfill a need and then quickly retreat back to my socially acceptable buttoned-up adult self.  I think a lot of younger kinksters probably identify with this – it is what many of us do to maintain an interest in kink while keeping it neatly compartmentalized.  But, what characteristic traits are we shutting out by repeatedly denying ourselves the freedom of expression and an ability to live authentically?

    Flash forward to CLAW 25, and I had the pleasure to attend a talk titled, History and Legacy of Leather Clubs in the United States by Jake Woods and Dr. X-Ray.  Their presentation covered leather club history from 1885 to present.  This was a damn good presentation, and what stuck out for me was the repeating themes – the need for belonging, brotherhood and camaraderie.  140 years have passed, but little has changed as far as the same basic human needs – a sense of belonging and a need for self expression and camaraderie.

    The journey that I am on to find my leather self is presenting me with many complex challenges and emotions.  I have put a lot of pressure on myself to make this transformation real and to get results.  There is also a sense of urgency brought on by our ever changing politically charged world.  But, as much as I like to be in control of things – I am not in control of when or how this is going to happen.  During the leather club presentation at CLAW, Jake Woods asked the audience, “Where are you on your leather journey?” – and a giant light bulb went on in my head!  I am on this journey – I am seeking new learning – I am building new connections – I am in the struggle working hard at making change!

    So, what have I learned, you ask?  Sometimes you have to slow down to speed up.  I need to take more time to feel, to sense and to let these new experiences wash over.  As much as I want to control this journey – that’s just not the way this works.  This journey controls you.  You make yourself vulnerable enough and open enough – and the change happens.  Trust in the process 🙂

  • Exploring the Art of Bootblacking: A Journey of Connection

    Exploring the Art of Bootblacking: A Journey of Connection

    “Your connections to all the things around you literally define who you are.” – Aaron O’Connell

    My interest with bootblacking is a pretty recent development. I decided I wanted to try my hand at bootblacking after reading the Leatherboy Handbook by Vincent L. Andrews. I felt that leather care and the art of bootblacking would be a good way for me to connect with my need to serve. 

    I am a pretty geeky guy, and I love anything technical that requires a fair bit of detail. Flash back 20 years and you’d find me in my home darkroom developing film and making photography prints. I love working with my hands, and being part of the process of creating something. Bootblacking satisfies this part of my brain and given me needed focus. 

    Serving as my Dom’s bootblack has been a deeply rewarding experience. I love connecting with Him through His boots and leathers, and it has created many deeply intimate experiences between us.

    I do wish to expand beyond Sir’s boots and try my hand at blacking boots at an event someday. I’m not in a rush to do that, because I have a lot to learn, and I do not wish to short circuit the process – as it is the journey and not the destination. I want to continue working with the products and develop better technique. I also want to meet others in the community that share the same love of service. 

    My greatest desire is to learn to connect – spiritually – through bootblacking. Not just the application, the buffing and the rubbing – but the emotional and spiritual connection you make with someone while you are caring for them. The feeling through your fingers, the scent of the product mixing with their leathers, and the sensation you feel in that moment while you practice this craft. 

    Blacking Sir’s boots is often a very erotic experience for me, it is definitely one of the ways I emotionally and sexually connect with Sir. This process makes me want to be my very best for Him – and this gets reflected in the final shine. 

    I have developed an erotic fixation for Huberd’s shoe grease – Sir knows this well, and He has applied it to my body during scenes – it almost immediately draws out the most amazing sexual endorphins. This is one of my favorite products, and the one I enjoy using the most. 

    I want to grow as a bootblack.  I want to keep connecting with Sir, and I wish to be allowed to eventually take this practice beyond His boots. I also want to try my hand at leathercraft – I have repaired one of His uniform items, and I want to grow that and be able to craft other things from scratch. 

    Growing as a bootblack has been a fantastic way for me to develop as a service submissive.  I also like that bootblacks come in many forms, both sub and Dom. I believe that this practice has given me better discipline, and it is an outlet for my need to serve in some capacity. I feel a deep sense of pride when I have my shine box and Sir sits for this service.  The connection we create through this process is really quite special and something I greatly look forward to. Perhaps one day you too will sit before me, and when you do, I will be sure to give it my best – so that you can look your best!

    What are your interests in bootblacking – and have you sat for a bootblack? What has the experience been like for you?

  • Embracing BDSM: Navigating Dom/sub Dynamic Challenges

    Embracing BDSM: Navigating Dom/sub Dynamic Challenges

    The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be. – Deb Sofield

    My Dom and I are both kinky people, and we have been since the day we met. In fact, kink is what brought us together from the time we first cruised each other on recon. We each have a vast list of kinks we like, and thankfully, we share many in common. Our interests go well beyond our kinks, and as with most relationships, it requires change and focus to keep up with the changing times. Late last year, we started to embrace BDSM, and specifically the formation of a Dom/sub dynamic between us. While we enjoy leather, sports gear, and a myriad of other fetishes, we had not yet evolved into the arena of full power play dynamics and more pronounced roles as Dom and sub.

    Making that switch to a BDSM Dom/sub style relationship dynamic has been no small effort, and we continue to learn, experiment and discover ways to make this work for us.  I will share some of my greatest challenges with this as a sub, and reflect on the things I am doing to better myself and our relationship.

    Our situation is perhaps a little unique, because we are in a committed long-term relationship that is working to implement pronounced Dom/sub roles.  While we have always been into certain aspects of kink play, many of our relationship constructs were more ‘vanilla’ in nature. We do all the things couples like to do, like buying a house, arguing over paint colors, and getting groceries together. Super kinky right?!  No, in fact, there are a bunch of mundane normal “life” things that can be pretty boring, stressful and real kink killers. Discussing finances, worrying about a career, planning for healthcare – all real buzz killers. The day to day mechanics of commitment can be challenging at best and can test any relationship.

    Now add BDSM to that mix and things get real tricky. Part of that D/s dynamic is being true to your role, and for me that is a submissive leatherboy.  I’m a pretty short fused submissive with a decent amount of self confidence and a love of managing and controlling many things in my day to day life. Knowing how to be submissive and how to let go of having full control is a real challenge for me, because frankly, I am not entirely subservient in all ways.  At times, that has left me questioning my role – am I really a submissive if I can be so controlling?  Sexually, I’m a bottom, but that doesn’t directly imply total submissiveness. After many years of soul searching, I have concluded that yes, I am submissive, but with some real quirks. What truly motivates me is being controlled by outside influences, and one of those key influencers is my Dom. Deep down, I want to please, and I crave that feeling of doing and achieving for someone else.  

    Knowing you are a submissive and acting like one is two different things. We’ll be going through our day to day lives, with me wearing my collar as a symbol of Sir’s ownership and my commitment to Him, but I still veer off path. We’ll be doing housework or some other mundane task, and I will push back or be argumentative. Why?  Because I’m an opinionated human with faults, but this action almost always kills my submissive headspace and just makes me feel lost and disconnected.  So, why do I do it – why does it happen over and over?  It is habit and we humans tend to fall back to what we know regardless of how it makes us feel.  Even though it degrades my headspace and works against everything I am working hard to achieve, it happens over and over. And, it doesn’t just create challenges for me, it creates role challenges for my Dom. So, how does one resolve this?

    They say the first step is to fixing something is admitting you have a problem. So, here we are, step one – check.  The next step is putting effort into correcting the problem. A hallmark of BDSM and the D/s dynamic is behavior modification – or more specifically, behavior emulation of a desired role. I desire to be a better sub, one that is easier to live with, one that obeys, and one that works really hard to earn Sir’s trust and respect. To achieve that in a 24×7 dynamic, means respecting and honoring the little things – the really mundane stuff like making the bed, which Sir requires of His boy. It isn’t just the kinky-sexy stuff, but also the little day to day stuff.  It’s caring about the details and executing in a way that respects Sir’s wishes and demonstrates the utmost respect for Him and for my role.  It is respecting myself and working to achieve outcomes that make me feel good about who I am becoming – His leatherboy.

    They say it is the journey and not the destination, and in terms of BDSM, nothing could be more true. We aren’t born who we want to be – we become that image of who we want to be by emulating the behaviors that we most desire to posses. I desire to be less controlling, more caring, and a true leatherboy – mind, body and soul.

    There is no perfect solution to this challenge for me yet. So far, I have learned to observe and to communicate. Through these practices, I grow closer to my goal, and with time and energy, I believe our D/s dynamic will grow stronger.  I wouldn’t trade this growth opportunity and all of its challenges for anything in the world.

  • Mastering Diet Control: A Day in the Life of boy s37

    Mastering Diet Control: A Day in the Life of boy s37

    “Good habits are worth being fanatical about.” – John Irving

    I have had many ups and downs with my diet over the years.  I have spent much time in the gym lifting weights and putting in the work, all to drive slower than expected results due to poor diet control.  Everything you read about diet tends to be complex and difficult to maintain over time.  It can be hard to break it all down and figure out how to eat right to support growth.  And, what is right for one person might not work the same for someone else.  So, implementing diet control, for me, has been challenging to say the least.

    My Dom does not directly require diet control per His goals for me.  However, in order for me to achieve His approved goals, then I know I must eat in a way that will feed growth and support His desired outcomes.  Therefore, getting my diet right is critical for delivering results for Him.  

    Here, I will share a day in the life of boy s37 from a diet perspective, and how I think about diet and diet tracking.  I will then share how we use ‘diet control ’ as part of our D/s dynamic.  I will share some of my behind the scenes struggles with dieting, and some of the wants and desires I have related to diet control and submission.

    Right after I wake, I consume the first meal of the day – breakfast.  If it is a workout day I follow the workout day meal plan, otherwise I follow the non-workout plan which has fewer calories.  I use the master meal plan printouts I have posted up in the kitchen as a guide for the 2500 calorie per day meal plan.  This is a meal plan I have been using for quite some time, and when I follow it, I get good growth results.  Once this meal is consumed, I open my weekly health tracker and mark meal 1 as ‘HIT’ for the day. 

    At approximately 10am, I prepare and consume the second meal of the day.  Again, I follow the meal plan based on whether it is a workout or non-workout day.  Generally, this meal is a small to medium red potato, cottage cheese, nuts and a piece of fruit.  Once this meal is consumed, I open the health tracker and mark meal 2 as ‘HIT’ for the day.

    The 3rd and 4th meals of the day vary depending on whether it is a workout day or not.  If it is a workout day, I consume a pre-workout snack and protein as meal 3, and then I consume a spinach, protein, nuts and berry shake for meal 4.  If it is a non-workout day, I follow the meal plan as scripted for meals 3 and 4.  Once these are consumed, I update the health tracker for these meals.

    The 5th meal of the day is dinner and I follow the meal plan’s general guidance for this.  Once dinner is consumed, I update the health tracker for meal 5 as ‘HIT’.

    About an hour before bed, I prepare the 6th meal of the day.  This is a bedtime snack, and it is always greek yogurt with frozen berries.  This doesn’t exactly follow the diet guideline, but I enjoy this slight deviation and have been able to make it habitual.  Once this last meal of the day is consumed, I update the health tracker for meal 6 as ‘HIT’.

    Any meal throughout the day that doesn’t meet the diet guidelines is marked as ‘MISS’.  If a meal is missed entirely, then this automatically becomes a ‘MISS’.  For each day, I also track hydration.  If I generally stay hydrated, then I mark this as a ‘HIT’ for the day.  I also track alcohol consumption, and if I consume alcohol as more than just a dinner accompaniment, then this becomes a ‘MISS’ for the day.  I generally allow myself one to two glasses of wine with dinner, and I do not count this as a miss.

    So, with six meals per day plus alcohol and hydration, that makes 8 things to mark as either HIT or MISS each day.  So, in any given week, I am tracking 8*7=56 diet entries as ‘HIT’ or ‘MISS’.  Notice that I am not tracking calories and other macro nutrients.  This has greatly simplified my ability to track this and remain compliant.  Simplicity is the key to successful diet control.

    This diet plan has worked well for me, but there are a number of challenges.  I used to have a bad habit of missing meals 3 and 4 on workout days, because I just don’t have enough time to eat all those meals and workout.  Therefore, I tweaked workout days to combine meals 3 and 4.  The other complication is reporting honestly.  Say I go out for dinner, have a decent steak dinner, but eat fries with it.  Do I count this as a ‘HIT’ since it was mostly in line with my diet?  If I’m being honest with myself and with my Dom, then I count this as a MISS because those fries are not compliant with my meal plan.  My other issue is alcohol.  Alcohol makes me tired and dehydrated the next day, and I tend to miss diet meals after drinking.  I have learned that I must limit alcohol consumption in order to stay focused, positive, and making gains.

    The other issue is disruptions to the pattern of eating and tracking.  If I’m travelling for work or for leisure, then all hell breaks loose, and it is extremely hard to maintain diet.  If I know I’m not going to be able to remain compliant on certain days or for certain meals, then I mark them as ‘NA’ – not applicable – and I don’t track them.  I always confirm with Sir when I am marking days or meals as NA that way He is aware that His boy is intentionally skipping tracking.  Racking up a bunch of MISS’es when traveling can trigger a failure loop, and failure tends to beget more failure, so I avoid this situation whenever possible to remain positive and compliant.

    So, you’ve read this far, and maybe you are starting to wonder exactly how all of this is part of a Dom/sub dynamic?  Each month, I report to Sir the percentage of meals that met diet compliance.  You will find this information on my monthly measures trend, under ‘Monthly Diet Adherence’.  Sir then determines if my performance was inline with the expectations that He sets and communicates to me each month as part of our monthly check-in scene.  As an example, Sir has given His boy a goal of 85% for February 2025, and if I hit that target, then perhaps I will be rewarded.  If I miss it, then I may be punished for it.

    There are many things I fantasize about from a control perspective.  I enjoy being obedient and having this diet adherence goal to work towards and it really does help me focus.  I wish there were more day to day protocols that prevented me from breaking with the diet plan.  An example of this would be being required to ask Sir’s permission to ‘MISS’ any given meal target.  This would remind me that Sir ultimately controls the outcome so long as His boy remains structured and obedient.  We have only just begun to experiment with rewards and punishments for missing diet control targets.  To date, this boy has always hit the target that Sir sets, so this really is a powerful tool to help me stay on target.

    Thus far, I have seen growth on this plan.  The real control dynamic comes when I report growth targets to Sir that demonstrate that this diet is working towards the goals that He has approved.  So far this year I am cutting, seeing chest growth, and improvements in arm, shoulder and thigh size.  None of this happens fast, but the numbers are trending in the right direction, which means that my discipline and focus are driving towards Sir’s desired outcomes.

    You can see current diet compliance details for boy s37 on the jockboydiary blog – this is where he tracks health and fitness progress on a day to day basis.

    What are Y/your trials and tribulations with dieting and remaining consistent to support growth targets?  Have Y/you experimented with Dom/sub dynamics related to diet control?  If so, what have Y/you found that works well? What do Y/you fantasize about in terms of health and fitness control?

  • Health & Fitness as a Dynamic

    Health & Fitness as a Dynamic

    “Do something today that your future self will thank you for.“ – Sean Patrick Flanery

    What does it mean to mix health and fitness with a BDSM dynamic to drive towards your desired outcomes? As I explore my own interests with BDSM and health & fitness, I consider this question and the potential to bring these two together in interesting ways.  Both interests stand on their own, but the intersection of BDSM and health & fitness create unique opportunities for shared accountability.  Both my Dom and I are quite interested in health & fitness and we have each made it a goal to keep ourselves fit.  As we explore our emerging Dom/sub dynamic, health & fitness continues to be a key part of the dynamic we are working towards.  We will explore this further and share where we are today, and where we see this headed in the future.

    From a sub perspective, I want to be fit, I want to be healthy, and I want to be held accountable for achieving those desired outcomes.  During our goal defining talks, we discussed our shared interest in improving our health & fitness for each other.  My Dom is aware of His boy’s athletic nature, and is very supportive of his boy’s desire to grow physically stronger and more athletic for Him.  He is aware that His boy doesn’t desire to be a bodybuilder, but rather an athletic and muscular boy that maintains fitness as a lifestyle.  Thankfully, this is something that we share in common, but reconciling our differences and understanding our commonalities was the first step in creating our emerging D/s dynamic.

    I am equally energized by seeing my Dom succeed, and for Him to pursue His personal health and fitness goals.  While it can be challenging for a sub to hold a Dom accountable – we made His goals a central part of our overall dynamic.  His boy assists Him with His measures, His diet tracking, and also ensuring that Sir has workout plans that are both effective and tuned to His specific liking.  

    To make our health & fitness BDSM dynamic take shape, we have established measurement protocols that allow for continuous monitoring and analysis of our progress towards our approved health & fitness goals.  On the first of each month, we go through the process of collecting measures specific to our established goals, and then His boy compiles this information and presents it to Sir as part of a health & fitness accountability session.

    What does it look like to then take action on this measurement info?  You can view Sir Zuegi’s monthly measure collection, and see how He is progressing towards His defined goals.  And, you can view boy s37’s monthly measure collection, and see how he is progressing towards his defined goals.  The second step in creating this dynamic was for His boy to collect this data, organize it, and make it visible to Sir.  This is a service that this boy provides and one that Sir Zuegi expects.  Beyond that, boy s37 maintains a health & fitness jockboy diary blog that chronicles his day to day actions to stay accountable for required outcomes.

    The final step in creating our health & fitness dynamic is maintaining on-going lasting accountability.  This is a work in progress, but a scene document has been drafted to document this and explore what that might look like.  This boy maintains the data and analysis for Sir so that He can keep His leather household accountable for His approved and expected outcomes.  In addition, His boy can seek ways that he can assist Sir with achieving these outcomes by creating more opportunities.  Examples of this are preparing clean meals, writing workout plans, and maintaining the gym space.

    We are in the early stages of establishing this dynamic, but we both remain very excited about where we are and where we see this going.  Staying true to the mission of this blog, we will publish more info on our progress and details about what works and what doesn’t.  Starting in early February 2025, boy s37 will publish outcomes each month about how Sir Zuegi and His boy are progressing towards defined health and fitness goal targets.  The purpose of these public posts is to create exposure to help us stay motivated and accountable.

    Do you use BDSM as an accountability dynamic for health and fitness goals, and if so, what has your experience been?  What has worked, and what hasn’t worked? 

  • Being of Service

    Being of Service

    The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others. – Mahatma Gandhi

    In the second half of 2024, my Dom and I started the process of taking our relationship in a new direction.  We decided to move towards a Dom/sub dynamic and to fully embrace the leathermen BDSM lifestyle. And with that, we took to educating ourselves and learning more about what that might look like.

    Few resources out there approach the effort of adapting an existing relationship with D/s. The more we read and learned about protocols and service, the more complex the effort began to look and feel. When you have been with someone for many years, norms that define your relationship naturally develop over time.  In our case, my Dom does many of the day to day chores around the house. However, I do much of our personal finances as well as many handyman type things.  Together we are also property managers, and so we are effectively in business together. Much of the control and dynamic in our relationship formed based on our individual skills and personalities. But, we both desire changing some of that. 

    I wanted something that looked different, and through much discussion, Sir Zuegi desired more control over us and over our household. I desperately want and feel the need to relinquish control to develop a stronger attachment to my leatherboy/sub identity and to Him. But as they say, wanting something and planning for it are two different things.

    We are still in the middle of this process, and I discuss with my Dom my desire to feel I am in more service to Him on a regular basis. Recently, for my birthday, I asked my Dom for a service I could give Him as my birthday gift. He established that His boy should make the bed for Him daily. I am now a month into providing this service to Him, and this very mundane thing I do for Him now feels very deep and personal and I look forward to doing this for Him every day.  And, as I have recently discovered, I can continue doing this for Him when we travel by making sure our hotel bed is made.  It is a simple thing, but with important symbolism.

    I want to serve Him more, and I do struggle with how to approach that and what specifically I can do for Him. I have to remind myself that this dynamic change is still new and that it is better to give it time and allow our relationship to redevelop based on newly established norms. We continue to communicate about this very often.  I am trying to balance my service need with better mindset focus, so that I regularly reflect on what I do for Him now. For example, my remaining locked in chastity for Him is an important way for me to serve Him based on His desire to have me locked. Also, I focus on my diet and workouts so that my physical fitness level better pleases Him. It is sometimes easy to forget what you are doing in favor of always wanting more. 

    We will continue to work on this in 2025, and I look forward to sharing with all of you how our D/s dynamic evolves over time. Have you been through the development of a D/s dynamic in your relationship?  If so, what did you learn along the way?  Leave a comment, we’d love to hear from you.