Booted and Bound

Tag: power exchange

  • Navigating Dom/sub Dynamics: One Year In Reflection

    Navigating Dom/sub Dynamics: One Year In Reflection

    “Don’t just learn, experience.
    Don’t just read, absorb.
    Don’t just change, transform.
    Don’t just relate, advocate.
    Don’t just promise, prove.
    Don’t just criticize, encourage.
    Don’t just think, ponder.
    Don’t just take, give.
    Don’t just see, feel.
    Don’t just dream, do. 
    Don’t just hear, listen.
    Don’t just talk, act.
    Don’t just tell, show.
    Don’t just exist, live.”     – Roy T. Bennett

    Can you believe it – we’re now one year into our Dom/sub relationship transformation. For those new to this blog, Sir Zuegi and His boy s37 have been in a kink-positive relationship for 8 years. In August of 2025, we began discussing what it would look like to transform our relationship into a Dom/sub dynamic by disrupting current norms and establishing a power dynamic. Here we are one year later living a 24×7 Dom/sub lifestyle together. The books, the podcasts, the countless hours of discussions, the numerous conferences, the local leather socials and clubs – it is hard to believe what a spectacular journey it has been.

    In this blog entry, Sir Zuegi and boy s37 will answer 4 questions each about their Dom/sub relationship dynamic from their own perspectives:

    What is the most significant change in your relationship since implementing a Dom/sub dynamic?

    Sir Zuegi >> Communication. We communicate much more often and much more precisely since implementing the D/s dynamic. It has helped immensely as we are candid and are free to say what we want/need. It also allows me to explore a more Dominant position as I can bring up a variety of topics.

    boy s37 >> Connection – an incredible level of connectedness that is allowing this boy to better align to Sir’s will. Let’s face it, life is full of not-so-fun vanilla tasks. This boy feels that more and more of the everyday is being integrated into our dynamic and that Sir is allowing Himself to have more expectations of His boy. Through this, it feels we have better alignment – and by working to please Sir, this boy feels a deeper sense of place and belonging.

    What has been the biggest challenge you’ve faced while establishing a Dom/sub dynamic?

    Sir Zuegi >> Apprehension. I have second guessed myself numerous times. It is difficult to let go of the apprehension of societal norms in vanilla relationships but when I do it is so much more intense and satisfying for both of us.

    boy s37 >> Overthinking – and not living in the moment. This boy is a thinker, a planner and very detail oriented and driven person. Often, this boy will have expectations of himself and of others that prevent this boy from being in the moment which erodes his ability to experience the here and now. These traits leave this boy thinking about what is next as opposed to enjoying and feeling satisfied in the now. The D/s relationship has amplified these challenges, and this boy is working to be more present and patient and to give up the perception of being in control.

    What advice do you have for others looking to implement a D/s into an existing relationship?

    Sir Zuegi >> My biggest piece of advice is practice communicating uninhibitedly. Both the Dom and the sub must be willing and open to discussing their greatest desires and kinks to fully get onboard with one another.

    boy s37 >> Awareness – reconcile with yourself what you want and what you need with the relationship change. Start by creating an environment for open communication built on trust and respect for each other. If you can’t build trust and respect, then layering in a D/s isn’t going to make things better. Be resilient and be the catalyst for the change you need by starting the conversation. Know that the change probably isn’t going to happen the way you think it is, and it requires time and patience.

    What are you most looking forward to in the upcoming year of your Dom/sub dynamic?

    Sir Zuegi >> Letting go of more of my apprehension and self-doubt. Knowing that my boy enjoys when I take control and break the normal vanilla norms and take us into a better, more exciting D/s headspace.

    boy s37 >> Allowance – allowing this boy to become the submissive he knows he is and that he knows he needs to be. This boy will do his best to get out of his own way so that Sir can take/have more of His boy. This boy will achieve this by not controlling the process, and by making himself more vulnerable and available to live in the present.

    Approved for posting by Sir Zuegi.

  • Power Exchange: Establishing a Relationship Imbalance

    Power Exchange: Establishing a Relationship Imbalance

    “Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

    It was almost a year ago now that we began transforming our relationship into a D/s (Dominant/submissive) dynamic and embracing a leathermen lifestyle.  It has been a fun ride, and we have definitely faced some challenges along the way.  One of the greatest challenges has been defining a power exchange dynamic that supports and allows our D/s to grow.  In this blog entry, we will discuss some of the steps we are taking and some of the lessons we have learned along the way.

    First, the power exchange – notice that we are not calling it total power exchange (TPE) as it is often called in the BDSM community.  We decided early on that exchanging total power between us wasn’t practical.  We came to that conclusion after trying a couple of power exchange ideas and learning that they did little for our dynamic.  It was through this trial and error that we learned that total power exchange wasn’t practical for us.  So, we landed on power exchange (PE) without total-exchange being the goal.  Overcoming this mental barrier and understanding that power exchange didn’t have to be “total” in scope helped us establish a more practical approach for creating desired power imbalance in our relationship.

    The further we get into this D/s lifestyle, the more we’ve felt the benefits of having defined Dominant and submissive roles.  The deeper we go, the more we want, but at times our desires go beyond our knowledge of how to get deeper.  This is where new learning has helped, and through podcasts, books, and conferences we have learned techniques to expand our understanding and thinking about BDSM and power exchange.

    We recently listened to an episode of the Loving BDSM podcast titled, “How to Be Consistent in D/s | Making D/s Work in the Real World”.  This was an incredible episode, and it helped my Dom and I understand the need for practical application of power-exchange.  Early on, we had tried power exchange protocols around financial control, but we discovered that this did little for Him or His sub, and therefore it did not contribute to our dynamic.  Based on these past experiences and the new learning from the podcast, we sat down and discussed areas in our relationship where we felt power exchange could be more interesting and successful.  We wrote down our ideas, and from this, we came up with the following list:

    • Chores
    • Diet control
    • Fitness
    • Gear/Uniform
    • Goals
    • Grooming
    • Kink Events
    • Online Presence
    • Personal Care
    • Sexual Control

    As we discussed each area, we identified specific ideas where both Sir and His boy had a common interest.  If His boy had an interest but Sir did not, then it did not make the list and vice versa.  What we discovered is that we have many areas in our life with shared interest where Sir can focus on taking control from His boy.  The following are examples of ideas we are exploring further:

    • Diet control > Accountability
    • Diet control > Meal planning
    • Fitness > Boxing sport/practice
    • Fitness > Fitness goal progress
    • Gear/Uniform > Care, cleaning, organizing
    • Gear/Uniform > Earning and control of gear/uniform items
    • Gear/Uniform > Gear item wishlist

    With our list of specific ideas, we are now elaborating on how to achieve some of these.  Sir is prioritizing these discussions and determining what rituals and/or protocols are required to facilitate a power-exchange that satisfies Him.  We are right in the middle of this process, and our most recent changes are to better develop Fitness goals and how they are achieved.  You are beginning to see some of these changes here on this blog and at the jockboydiary.

    Sir and His boy look forward to further exploration of power-exchange in our D/s dynamic, and this boy is thankful to be accountable to Sir in new and expanding ways. In a future blog post, this boy will elaborate on specific power-exchange examples and how they contribute to our D/s.

    What are ways you are using power exchange in your relationship? What are some challenges you have faced along the way and have you been able to overcome them?

    Approved for posting by Sir Zuegi.