Tag: learning

“Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

It was almost a year ago now that we began transforming our relationship into a D/s (Dominant/submissive) dynamic and embracing a leathermen lifestyle.  It has been a fun ride, and we have definitely faced some challenges along the way.  One of the greatest challenges has been defining a power exchange dynamic that supports and allows our D/s to grow.  In this blog entry, we will discuss some of the steps we are taking and some of the lessons we have learned along the way.

First, the power exchange – notice that we are not calling it total power exchange (TPE) as it is often called in the BDSM community.  We decided early on that exchanging total power between us wasn’t practical.  We came to that conclusion after trying a couple of power exchange ideas and learning that they did little for our dynamic.  It was through this trial and error that we learned that total power exchange wasn’t practical for us.  So, we landed on power exchange (PE) without total-exchange being the goal.  Overcoming this mental barrier and understanding that power exchange didn’t have to be “total” in scope helped us establish a more practical approach for creating desired power imbalance in our relationship.

The further we get into this D/s lifestyle, the more we’ve felt the benefits of having defined Dominant and submissive roles.  The deeper we go, the more we want, but at times our desires go beyond our knowledge of how to get deeper.  This is where new learning has helped, and through podcasts, books, and conferences we have learned techniques to expand our understanding and thinking about BDSM and power exchange.

We recently listened to an episode of the Loving BDSM podcast titled, “How to Be Consistent in D/s | Making D/s Work in the Real World”.  This was an incredible episode, and it helped my Dom and I understand the need for practical application of power-exchange.  Early on, we had tried power exchange protocols around financial control, but we discovered that this did little for Him or His sub, and therefore it did not contribute to our dynamic.  Based on these past experiences and the new learning from the podcast, we sat down and discussed areas in our relationship where we felt power exchange could be more interesting and successful.  We wrote down our ideas, and from this, we came up with the following list:

• Chores
• Diet control
• Fitness
• Gear/Uniform
• Goals
• Grooming
• Kink Events
• Online Presence
• Personal Care
• Sexual Control

As we discussed each area, we identified specific ideas where both Sir and His boy had a common interest.  If His boy had an interest but Sir did not, then it did not make the list and vice versa.  What we discovered is that we have many areas in our life with shared interest where Sir can focus on taking control from His boy.  The following are examples of ideas we are exploring further:

• Diet control > Accountability
• Diet control > Meal planning
• Fitness > Boxing sport/practice
• Fitness > Fitness goal progress
• Gear/Uniform > Care, cleaning, organizing
• Gear/Uniform > Earning and control of gear/uniform items
• Gear/Uniform > Gear item wishlist

With our list of specific ideas, we are now elaborating on how to achieve some of these.  Sir is prioritizing these discussions and determining what rituals and/or protocols are required to facilitate a power-exchange that satisfies Him.  We are right in the middle of this process, and our most recent changes are to better develop Fitness goals and how they are achieved.  You are beginning to see some of these changes here on this blog and at the jockboydiary.

Sir and His boy look forward to further exploration of power-exchange in our D/s dynamic, and this boy is thankful to be accountable to Sir in new and expanding ways. In a future blog post, this boy will elaborate on specific power-exchange examples and how they contribute to our D/s.

What are ways you are using power exchange in your relationship? What are some challenges you have faced along the way and have you been able to overcome them?

Approved for posting by Sir Zuegi.