Booted and Bound

Tag: gay

  • Navigating Dom/sub Dynamics: One Year In Reflection

    Navigating Dom/sub Dynamics: One Year In Reflection

    “Don’t just learn, experience.
    Don’t just read, absorb.
    Don’t just change, transform.
    Don’t just relate, advocate.
    Don’t just promise, prove.
    Don’t just criticize, encourage.
    Don’t just think, ponder.
    Don’t just take, give.
    Don’t just see, feel.
    Don’t just dream, do. 
    Don’t just hear, listen.
    Don’t just talk, act.
    Don’t just tell, show.
    Don’t just exist, live.”     – Roy T. Bennett

    Can you believe it – we’re now one year into our Dom/sub relationship transformation. For those new to this blog, Sir Zuegi and His boy s37 have been in a kink-positive relationship for 8 years. In August of 2025, we began discussing what it would look like to transform our relationship into a Dom/sub dynamic by disrupting current norms and establishing a power dynamic. Here we are one year later living a 24×7 Dom/sub lifestyle together. The books, the podcasts, the countless hours of discussions, the numerous conferences, the local leather socials and clubs – it is hard to believe what a spectacular journey it has been.

    In this blog entry, Sir Zuegi and boy s37 will answer 4 questions each about their Dom/sub relationship dynamic from their own perspectives:

    What is the most significant change in your relationship since implementing a Dom/sub dynamic?

    Sir Zuegi >> Communication. We communicate much more often and much more precisely since implementing the D/s dynamic. It has helped immensely as we are candid and are free to say what we want/need. It also allows me to explore a more Dominant position as I can bring up a variety of topics.

    boy s37 >> Connection – an incredible level of connectedness that is allowing this boy to better align to Sir’s will. Let’s face it, life is full of not-so-fun vanilla tasks. This boy feels that more and more of the everyday is being integrated into our dynamic and that Sir is allowing Himself to have more expectations of His boy. Through this, it feels we have better alignment – and by working to please Sir, this boy feels a deeper sense of place and belonging.

    What has been the biggest challenge you’ve faced while establishing a Dom/sub dynamic?

    Sir Zuegi >> Apprehension. I have second guessed myself numerous times. It is difficult to let go of the apprehension of societal norms in vanilla relationships but when I do it is so much more intense and satisfying for both of us.

    boy s37 >> Overthinking – and not living in the moment. This boy is a thinker, a planner and very detail oriented and driven person. Often, this boy will have expectations of himself and of others that prevent this boy from being in the moment which erodes his ability to experience the here and now. These traits leave this boy thinking about what is next as opposed to enjoying and feeling satisfied in the now. The D/s relationship has amplified these challenges, and this boy is working to be more present and patient and to give up the perception of being in control.

    What advice do you have for others looking to implement a D/s into an existing relationship?

    Sir Zuegi >> My biggest piece of advice is practice communicating uninhibitedly. Both the Dom and the sub must be willing and open to discussing their greatest desires and kinks to fully get onboard with one another.

    boy s37 >> Awareness – reconcile with yourself what you want and what you need with the relationship change. Start by creating an environment for open communication built on trust and respect for each other. If you can’t build trust and respect, then layering in a D/s isn’t going to make things better. Be resilient and be the catalyst for the change you need by starting the conversation. Know that the change probably isn’t going to happen the way you think it is, and it requires time and patience.

    What are you most looking forward to in the upcoming year of your Dom/sub dynamic?

    Sir Zuegi >> Letting go of more of my apprehension and self-doubt. Knowing that my boy enjoys when I take control and break the normal vanilla norms and take us into a better, more exciting D/s headspace.

    boy s37 >> Allowance – allowing this boy to become the submissive he knows he is and that he knows he needs to be. This boy will do his best to get out of his own way so that Sir can take/have more of His boy. This boy will achieve this by not controlling the process, and by making himself more vulnerable and available to live in the present.

    Approved for posting by Sir Zuegi.

  • How Collars Shape Our Dom/sub dynamic

    How Collars Shape Our Dom/sub dynamic

    “A gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a man perfected without trials.” – Lucias Seneca

    boy s37

    The work day for Your boy is over for today -may Your boy wear Your chain collar Sir?

    (s37 approaches Sir Zuegi with collar in hand and presents for Him)

    Sir Zuegi

    Yes boy.

    (Sir Zuegi reaches for the collar to lock it on His boy)

    Recently, we had a detailed conversation about collaring and what it means to Sir Zuegi and His boy s37.  In this blog entry, we will describe how collars are used in our D/s (Dom/sub) dynamic, the meaning behind them, and how that is evolving over time.

    What does the collar mean to Sir and His boy?

    Sir Zuegi: For Me, the collar represents my domination over my boy. It is both a physical and psychological item that transforms my headspace. When I see my boy in his collar it is a visual representation of our dynamic. I enjoy being asked at events if he is collared for Me, which I excitedly reply yes. The collar is both a tangible item that is our dynamic and also portrays that to others as well.

    boy s37: For this boy, the collar represents my commitment to Sir Zuegi as His leatherboy, and so long as I am allowed to wear His collar, then this boy is dedicated to all He expects of me.  The collar gives me an incredible sense of security and belonging.  When in Sir’s collar, this boy feels part of something much larger and is compelled to be a more obedient boy focused on improving for Him.  

    What are the collar types in our D/s dynamic?

    In our D/s relationship, Sir has defined four physical collar types and one virtual collar type:

    Physical Types:

    Daily Collar – This collar is a thin piece of leather with a handmade glass pendant of the leatherboy flag.  This collar represents Sir’s boy’s will to serve and uphold the values of the leathermen lifestyle.  This boy is often in this collar and wears it throughout the day when at work.  This collar is more easily disguisable as most would see it as art and wouldn’t understand the significance of it.  Sir has a matching BDSM glass flag pendant, which He sometimes wears.

    Chain Collar – This collar is a heavy chain and lock that can only be removed with a key.  This collar is more substantial and harder to disguise as it is tight enough around the neck to not be easily hidden under a shirt.  This collar carries more significance for public protocol that Sir requires.

    Training Collar – This is a leather locking collar with a simple D ring in the front for a leash attachment.  This collar is worn when Sir expects a high level of communication protocol from His boy.  This collar carries a number of service requirements that establish a more formal setting between Sir and His boy.

    Bondage Collar – This is a leather or rubber locking collar with many bondage D rings for attachment.  Leather or rubber is used depending on the context the collar is being used in.  These collars have the highest level communication protocol requirement.  The collars are generally used in the dungeon playspace or when Sir requires absolute control and obedience from His boy.

    Virtual Type:

    No-Collar: The no-collar is a virtual collar type that Sir’s boy can wear when Sir tells His boy he is to be in no-collar mode or when His boy uses the safeword and requests to be in no-collar mode.  The no-collar effectively turns off all protocols and expectations that a physical collar carries and symbolizes.  This collar can be used during certain travel scenarios or when visiting family in order to shut off our D/s protocol and ritual requirements.  We have found that this prevents having D/s expectations during times when it is difficult to maintain the lifestyle, however this gets used very infrequently.

    What are our current collar rituals and protocols?

    This is where things get interesting and differ in our D/s dynamic.  Many of the protocols and service expectations in our D/s are dependent and tied to the usage of the various collar types.  Each collar represents a level of protocol and service requirement that Sir expects.  

    The following are examples:

    • Daily Collar: When wearing this collar, this boy must always perform the AM ritual, which informs Sir of this boy’s chastity status and days since last allowed release.  
    • Chain Collar: This boy walks slightly behind Sir’s right heel when in public.
    • Training Collar: This boy must provide AM coffee service to Sir, ensuring Sir has His coffee the way He likes it right out of bed.
    • Bondage Collar: This boy should be in a kneeling present position and awaiting any order from Sir.  If kneeling is not appropriate then this boy will be in standing present.

    This is only a sampling – as each collar has numerous protocols and service expectations.  Each collar inherits the protocols before it, so as an example, the bondage collar represents all the controls for bondage, training, chain and daily collar types.  This makes it so that the collars build on each other.

    The collar types with associated protocols, rituals and services has been a great tool to structure our BDSM dynamic.  What this boy most appreciates about this structure is that he can clearly understand what is expected of him based on what collar Sir has placed him in.  

    How is collaring evolving in our relationship?

     Both Sir and His boy agree that collaring has been a significant part of our D/s dynamic, and therefore we continue to grow with this and be clear with each other on expectations and challenges.  During a recent conversation about collaring, a number of areas were identified for growth and improvement.  We continue to work through these as a means to strengthen our commitment.

    Sir identified a challenge where it sometimes isn’t clear to Him when His boy is done with work and able to be in a more service mindset.  While this boy always aims to serve, there are challenges during the work week, especially since this boy works from home which blurs any boundaries.  We are working to solve this through collaring, and this boy is now requesting Sir’s permission to wear His chain collar after the workday is done.  This has created a clear delineation in the day and feels like a much more natural transition.  Also, this boy has noticed that his stress levels go down immediately when Sir places the chain around His boy’s neck.

    Sir is often gone for business, and this leaves His boy to figure out collar changes on his own.  Our current collaring protocols do not define this well, and His boy identified this as a challenge area.  This boy wants to honor Sir’s collars and His expectations for them, and feels he needs more structure to know when to collar and change collars for Sir.

    The current daily-collar isn’t shower or workout friendly, which requires this boy to remove it at times throughout the day.  Sir’s collar gives this boy such an incredible sense of security that removing it, even for a brief period, interrupts this boy’s sense of connectedness.  Therefore, a more durable daily-collar could reduce and/or eliminate the need for most removals.

    Lastly, protocols, rituals and services tied to each collar continue to evolve as Sir sees fit to help with His boy’s growth and development.  This is a constant evolution that will continue to morph and change as Sir’s needs and expectations change.  

    This boy is grateful to wear Sir’s collars, and wears each of them with a sense of pride and gratitude.  This boy looks forward to this continued evolution as we work to make our D/s dynamic stronger and more resilient.

    What role does collaring play in your relationship? How have your collaring expectations changed over time and where do you see them going?

    Approved for posting by Sir Zuegi.