Booted and Bound

Tag: accountability

  • Power Exchange: Establishing a Relationship Imbalance

    Power Exchange: Establishing a Relationship Imbalance

    “Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

    It was almost a year ago now that we began transforming our relationship into a D/s (Dominant/submissive) dynamic and embracing a leathermen lifestyle.  It has been a fun ride, and we have definitely faced some challenges along the way.  One of the greatest challenges has been defining a power exchange dynamic that supports and allows our D/s to grow.  In this blog entry, we will discuss some of the steps we are taking and some of the lessons we have learned along the way.

    First, the power exchange – notice that we are not calling it total power exchange (TPE) as it is often called in the BDSM community.  We decided early on that exchanging total power between us wasn’t practical.  We came to that conclusion after trying a couple of power exchange ideas and learning that they did little for our dynamic.  It was through this trial and error that we learned that total power exchange wasn’t practical for us.  So, we landed on power exchange (PE) without total-exchange being the goal.  Overcoming this mental barrier and understanding that power exchange didn’t have to be “total” in scope helped us establish a more practical approach for creating desired power imbalance in our relationship.

    The further we get into this D/s lifestyle, the more we’ve felt the benefits of having defined Dominant and submissive roles.  The deeper we go, the more we want, but at times our desires go beyond our knowledge of how to get deeper.  This is where new learning has helped, and through podcasts, books, and conferences we have learned techniques to expand our understanding and thinking about BDSM and power exchange.

    We recently listened to an episode of the Loving BDSM podcast titled, “How to Be Consistent in D/s | Making D/s Work in the Real World”.  This was an incredible episode, and it helped my Dom and I understand the need for practical application of power-exchange.  Early on, we had tried power exchange protocols around financial control, but we discovered that this did little for Him or His sub, and therefore it did not contribute to our dynamic.  Based on these past experiences and the new learning from the podcast, we sat down and discussed areas in our relationship where we felt power exchange could be more interesting and successful.  We wrote down our ideas, and from this, we came up with the following list:

    • Chores
    • Diet control
    • Fitness
    • Gear/Uniform
    • Goals
    • Grooming
    • Kink Events
    • Online Presence
    • Personal Care
    • Sexual Control

    As we discussed each area, we identified specific ideas where both Sir and His boy had a common interest.  If His boy had an interest but Sir did not, then it did not make the list and vice versa.  What we discovered is that we have many areas in our life with shared interest where Sir can focus on taking control from His boy.  The following are examples of ideas we are exploring further:

    • Diet control > Accountability
    • Diet control > Meal planning
    • Fitness > Boxing sport/practice
    • Fitness > Fitness goal progress
    • Gear/Uniform > Care, cleaning, organizing
    • Gear/Uniform > Earning and control of gear/uniform items
    • Gear/Uniform > Gear item wishlist

    With our list of specific ideas, we are now elaborating on how to achieve some of these.  Sir is prioritizing these discussions and determining what rituals and/or protocols are required to facilitate a power-exchange that satisfies Him.  We are right in the middle of this process, and our most recent changes are to better develop Fitness goals and how they are achieved.  You are beginning to see some of these changes here on this blog and at the jockboydiary.

    Sir and His boy look forward to further exploration of power-exchange in our D/s dynamic, and this boy is thankful to be accountable to Sir in new and expanding ways. In a future blog post, this boy will elaborate on specific power-exchange examples and how they contribute to our D/s.

    What are ways you are using power exchange in your relationship? What are some challenges you have faced along the way and have you been able to overcome them?

    Approved for posting by Sir Zuegi.

  • Navigating My Kink Journey: Finding Authenticity

    Navigating My Kink Journey: Finding Authenticity

    Success comes from curiosity, concentration, perseverance and self-criticism. – Albert Einstein

    I have had many new experiences in the last 60 days, each of which could be its own blog entry.  I appeared in full formal leather uniform in public with Sir for the very first time in March!  I volunteered for a local Avatar leather club BDSM play party – which was my first time ever volunteering for a leather event or attending a public play party!  My Sir and I participated in a local community leather social get together to meet folks in our local community.  And, we attended CLAW 25 in Cleveland, where I saw a spectacular presentation on boxing which absolutely blew my mind (who knew there were others that shared a boxing/fight kink)! I even learned some new fast and quick rope tie bondage techniques which really piqued my bondage interests.

    And, you ask, how do I feel about all of this?  OVERWHELMED!

    Let’s start back at the beginning…. back in mid 2024, I joined a book club hosted by the Chicago Leather Archive & Museum, and I committed to reading and reviewing three books – Real Service by Raven Kaldera & Joshua Tenpenny, Protocols – A Variety of View: A Power Exchange Resource Book by Bob Rubel & L.C. Morgynn and The Deep Psychology of BDSM and Kink by Douglas Thomas.  What transpired after this new learning has been a rapid pace and aggressive growth journey that I still find myself on to this day.  From all of this new learning, I concluded that I need to be more authentic with myself and that I need to pursue my full identity by embracing leather.

    I have been kink-positive my entire adult life.  I’d pull out my kink identity just long enough to fulfill a need and then quickly retreat back to my socially acceptable buttoned-up adult self.  I think a lot of younger kinksters probably identify with this – it is what many of us do to maintain an interest in kink while keeping it neatly compartmentalized.  But, what characteristic traits are we shutting out by repeatedly denying ourselves the freedom of expression and an ability to live authentically?

    Flash forward to CLAW 25, and I had the pleasure to attend a talk titled, History and Legacy of Leather Clubs in the United States by Jake Woods and Dr. X-Ray.  Their presentation covered leather club history from 1885 to present.  This was a damn good presentation, and what stuck out for me was the repeating themes – the need for belonging, brotherhood and camaraderie.  140 years have passed, but little has changed as far as the same basic human needs – a sense of belonging and a need for self expression and camaraderie.

    The journey that I am on to find my leather self is presenting me with many complex challenges and emotions.  I have put a lot of pressure on myself to make this transformation real and to get results.  There is also a sense of urgency brought on by our ever changing politically charged world.  But, as much as I like to be in control of things – I am not in control of when or how this is going to happen.  During the leather club presentation at CLAW, Jake Woods asked the audience, “Where are you on your leather journey?” – and a giant light bulb went on in my head!  I am on this journey – I am seeking new learning – I am building new connections – I am in the struggle working hard at making change!

    So, what have I learned, you ask?  Sometimes you have to slow down to speed up.  I need to take more time to feel, to sense and to let these new experiences wash over.  As much as I want to control this journey – that’s just not the way this works.  This journey controls you.  You make yourself vulnerable enough and open enough – and the change happens.  Trust in the process 🙂

  • Embracing BDSM: Navigating Dom/sub Dynamic Challenges

    Embracing BDSM: Navigating Dom/sub Dynamic Challenges

    The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be. – Deb Sofield

    My Dom and I are both kinky people, and we have been since the day we met. In fact, kink is what brought us together from the time we first cruised each other on recon. We each have a vast list of kinks we like, and thankfully, we share many in common. Our interests go well beyond our kinks, and as with most relationships, it requires change and focus to keep up with the changing times. Late last year, we started to embrace BDSM, and specifically the formation of a Dom/sub dynamic between us. While we enjoy leather, sports gear, and a myriad of other fetishes, we had not yet evolved into the arena of full power play dynamics and more pronounced roles as Dom and sub.

    Making that switch to a BDSM Dom/sub style relationship dynamic has been no small effort, and we continue to learn, experiment and discover ways to make this work for us.  I will share some of my greatest challenges with this as a sub, and reflect on the things I am doing to better myself and our relationship.

    Our situation is perhaps a little unique, because we are in a committed long-term relationship that is working to implement pronounced Dom/sub roles.  While we have always been into certain aspects of kink play, many of our relationship constructs were more ‘vanilla’ in nature. We do all the things couples like to do, like buying a house, arguing over paint colors, and getting groceries together. Super kinky right?!  No, in fact, there are a bunch of mundane normal “life” things that can be pretty boring, stressful and real kink killers. Discussing finances, worrying about a career, planning for healthcare – all real buzz killers. The day to day mechanics of commitment can be challenging at best and can test any relationship.

    Now add BDSM to that mix and things get real tricky. Part of that D/s dynamic is being true to your role, and for me that is a submissive leatherboy.  I’m a pretty short fused submissive with a decent amount of self confidence and a love of managing and controlling many things in my day to day life. Knowing how to be submissive and how to let go of having full control is a real challenge for me, because frankly, I am not entirely subservient in all ways.  At times, that has left me questioning my role – am I really a submissive if I can be so controlling?  Sexually, I’m a bottom, but that doesn’t directly imply total submissiveness. After many years of soul searching, I have concluded that yes, I am submissive, but with some real quirks. What truly motivates me is being controlled by outside influences, and one of those key influencers is my Dom. Deep down, I want to please, and I crave that feeling of doing and achieving for someone else.  

    Knowing you are a submissive and acting like one is two different things. We’ll be going through our day to day lives, with me wearing my collar as a symbol of Sir’s ownership and my commitment to Him, but I still veer off path. We’ll be doing housework or some other mundane task, and I will push back or be argumentative. Why?  Because I’m an opinionated human with faults, but this action almost always kills my submissive headspace and just makes me feel lost and disconnected.  So, why do I do it – why does it happen over and over?  It is habit and we humans tend to fall back to what we know regardless of how it makes us feel.  Even though it degrades my headspace and works against everything I am working hard to achieve, it happens over and over. And, it doesn’t just create challenges for me, it creates role challenges for my Dom. So, how does one resolve this?

    They say the first step is to fixing something is admitting you have a problem. So, here we are, step one – check.  The next step is putting effort into correcting the problem. A hallmark of BDSM and the D/s dynamic is behavior modification – or more specifically, behavior emulation of a desired role. I desire to be a better sub, one that is easier to live with, one that obeys, and one that works really hard to earn Sir’s trust and respect. To achieve that in a 24×7 dynamic, means respecting and honoring the little things – the really mundane stuff like making the bed, which Sir requires of His boy. It isn’t just the kinky-sexy stuff, but also the little day to day stuff.  It’s caring about the details and executing in a way that respects Sir’s wishes and demonstrates the utmost respect for Him and for my role.  It is respecting myself and working to achieve outcomes that make me feel good about who I am becoming – His leatherboy.

    They say it is the journey and not the destination, and in terms of BDSM, nothing could be more true. We aren’t born who we want to be – we become that image of who we want to be by emulating the behaviors that we most desire to posses. I desire to be less controlling, more caring, and a true leatherboy – mind, body and soul.

    There is no perfect solution to this challenge for me yet. So far, I have learned to observe and to communicate. Through these practices, I grow closer to my goal, and with time and energy, I believe our D/s dynamic will grow stronger.  I wouldn’t trade this growth opportunity and all of its challenges for anything in the world.

  • Health & Fitness as a Dynamic

    Health & Fitness as a Dynamic

    “Do something today that your future self will thank you for.“ – Sean Patrick Flanery

    What does it mean to mix health and fitness with a BDSM dynamic to drive towards your desired outcomes? As I explore my own interests with BDSM and health & fitness, I consider this question and the potential to bring these two together in interesting ways.  Both interests stand on their own, but the intersection of BDSM and health & fitness create unique opportunities for shared accountability.  Both my Dom and I are quite interested in health & fitness and we have each made it a goal to keep ourselves fit.  As we explore our emerging Dom/sub dynamic, health & fitness continues to be a key part of the dynamic we are working towards.  We will explore this further and share where we are today, and where we see this headed in the future.

    From a sub perspective, I want to be fit, I want to be healthy, and I want to be held accountable for achieving those desired outcomes.  During our goal defining talks, we discussed our shared interest in improving our health & fitness for each other.  My Dom is aware of His boy’s athletic nature, and is very supportive of his boy’s desire to grow physically stronger and more athletic for Him.  He is aware that His boy doesn’t desire to be a bodybuilder, but rather an athletic and muscular boy that maintains fitness as a lifestyle.  Thankfully, this is something that we share in common, but reconciling our differences and understanding our commonalities was the first step in creating our emerging D/s dynamic.

    I am equally energized by seeing my Dom succeed, and for Him to pursue His personal health and fitness goals.  While it can be challenging for a sub to hold a Dom accountable – we made His goals a central part of our overall dynamic.  His boy assists Him with His measures, His diet tracking, and also ensuring that Sir has workout plans that are both effective and tuned to His specific liking.  

    To make our health & fitness BDSM dynamic take shape, we have established measurement protocols that allow for continuous monitoring and analysis of our progress towards our approved health & fitness goals.  On the first of each month, we go through the process of collecting measures specific to our established goals, and then His boy compiles this information and presents it to Sir as part of a health & fitness accountability session.

    What does it look like to then take action on this measurement info?  You can view Sir Zuegi’s monthly measure collection, and see how He is progressing towards His defined goals.  And, you can view boy s37’s monthly measure collection, and see how he is progressing towards his defined goals.  The second step in creating this dynamic was for His boy to collect this data, organize it, and make it visible to Sir.  This is a service that this boy provides and one that Sir Zuegi expects.  Beyond that, boy s37 maintains a health & fitness jockboy diary blog that chronicles his day to day actions to stay accountable for required outcomes.

    The final step in creating our health & fitness dynamic is maintaining on-going lasting accountability.  This is a work in progress, but a scene document has been drafted to document this and explore what that might look like.  This boy maintains the data and analysis for Sir so that He can keep His leather household accountable for His approved and expected outcomes.  In addition, His boy can seek ways that he can assist Sir with achieving these outcomes by creating more opportunities.  Examples of this are preparing clean meals, writing workout plans, and maintaining the gym space.

    We are in the early stages of establishing this dynamic, but we both remain very excited about where we are and where we see this going.  Staying true to the mission of this blog, we will publish more info on our progress and details about what works and what doesn’t.  Starting in early February 2025, boy s37 will publish outcomes each month about how Sir Zuegi and His boy are progressing towards defined health and fitness goal targets.  The purpose of these public posts is to create exposure to help us stay motivated and accountable.

    Do you use BDSM as an accountability dynamic for health and fitness goals, and if so, what has your experience been?  What has worked, and what hasn’t worked?