Booted and Bound

Category: D/s Relationship

  • Self Discovery through Leather Experiences

    Self Discovery through Leather Experiences

    As boy have been on this transformation leather journey with Sir, there have been moments in time that have acted as anchor points for reflection.  One of those was at Palm Springs Leather Pride a few weeks ago in October.

    Sir and His boy first attended Palm Springs Leather pride in 2024 to watch Rene Hebert be sashed as Mr. Palm Springs Leather.  Boy distinctly remembers everything about that event because it was one of the very first leather events that boy attended with Sir.  Boy remembers still feeling a little awkward in its skin and leathers and not feeling confident about where it was in the transformational journey it is on.  Boy remembers scanning out across the room and seeing all the leathermen, and feeling a little self conscious about where it fits in with all of this.  Seeing Rene, a bootblack, win the title was a really joyful experience, because boy had found a lot of self growth through learning bootblack skills.  His resources online and his presence were really positive influences.

    Later that year, Sir and His boy attended International Mr. Leather (IML) in Chicago, and got to watch Rene win the International Mr. Leather title.  Watching his growth journey from Palm Springs all the way to the big stage in Chicago was very motivational.  While boy has never desired to go after a title, or at least not yet, it certainly created excitement and a desire to do more and to be better.

    Flash forward to a few weeks, ago when it attended Mr. Palm Springs Leather 2025 with Sir.  Again, brought the leathers and had a tremendous time in Palm Springs as it always does with Sir.  But, this time was different because it was exactly one year since the last time boy had attended.  This time, boy sat up front much closer to the stage with Sir, and boy noticed that the self conscious energy it felt in 2024 had largely dissipated.  Instead of feeling as if this boy doesn’t belong, it felt very much like this was exactly where it needed to be.

    For boy, this acted as a major anchor point to validate that it is very much working towards something that brings much new learning and growth.  There is still SO MUCH that boy does not know, but the pursuit of that experience means that boy is growing and seeking new opportunity. 

    For boy, the pursuit of BDSM has meant a lot of self reflection.  Through shining boots and learning to be a better leather boy for Sir, it is finding strength through greater vulnerability and various experiences in the community.  Boy looks forward to continuing this path of self discovery and continuing to redefine its purpose.  Boy fully embraces the path it is on and looks forward to many more experiences like this one and others.

    What is a significant self growth milestone you have experienced in your journey?  How did it shape you and what did you learn from it?

    Approved for posting by Sir Zuegi.

  • Navigating Dom/sub Dynamics: One Year In Reflection

    Navigating Dom/sub Dynamics: One Year In Reflection

    “Don’t just learn, experience.
    Don’t just read, absorb.
    Don’t just change, transform.
    Don’t just relate, advocate.
    Don’t just promise, prove.
    Don’t just criticize, encourage.
    Don’t just think, ponder.
    Don’t just take, give.
    Don’t just see, feel.
    Don’t just dream, do. 
    Don’t just hear, listen.
    Don’t just talk, act.
    Don’t just tell, show.
    Don’t just exist, live.”     – Roy T. Bennett

    Can you believe it – we’re now one year into our Dom/sub relationship transformation. For those new to this blog, Sir Zuegi and His boy s37 have been in a kink-positive relationship for 8 years. In August of 2025, we began discussing what it would look like to transform our relationship into a Dom/sub dynamic by disrupting current norms and establishing a power dynamic. Here we are one year later living a 24×7 Dom/sub lifestyle together. The books, the podcasts, the countless hours of discussions, the numerous conferences, the local leather socials and clubs – it is hard to believe what a spectacular journey it has been.

    In this blog entry, Sir Zuegi and boy s37 will answer 4 questions each about their Dom/sub relationship dynamic from their own perspectives:

    What is the most significant change in your relationship since implementing a Dom/sub dynamic?

    Sir Zuegi >> Communication. We communicate much more often and much more precisely since implementing the D/s dynamic. It has helped immensely as we are candid and are free to say what we want/need. It also allows me to explore a more Dominant position as I can bring up a variety of topics.

    boy s37 >> Connection – an incredible level of connectedness that is allowing this boy to better align to Sir’s will. Let’s face it, life is full of not-so-fun vanilla tasks. This boy feels that more and more of the everyday is being integrated into our dynamic and that Sir is allowing Himself to have more expectations of His boy. Through this, it feels we have better alignment – and by working to please Sir, this boy feels a deeper sense of place and belonging.

    What has been the biggest challenge you’ve faced while establishing a Dom/sub dynamic?

    Sir Zuegi >> Apprehension. I have second guessed myself numerous times. It is difficult to let go of the apprehension of societal norms in vanilla relationships but when I do it is so much more intense and satisfying for both of us.

    boy s37 >> Overthinking – and not living in the moment. This boy is a thinker, a planner and very detail oriented and driven person. Often, this boy will have expectations of himself and of others that prevent this boy from being in the moment which erodes his ability to experience the here and now. These traits leave this boy thinking about what is next as opposed to enjoying and feeling satisfied in the now. The D/s relationship has amplified these challenges, and this boy is working to be more present and patient and to give up the perception of being in control.

    What advice do you have for others looking to implement a D/s into an existing relationship?

    Sir Zuegi >> My biggest piece of advice is practice communicating uninhibitedly. Both the Dom and the sub must be willing and open to discussing their greatest desires and kinks to fully get onboard with one another.

    boy s37 >> Awareness – reconcile with yourself what you want and what you need with the relationship change. Start by creating an environment for open communication built on trust and respect for each other. If you can’t build trust and respect, then layering in a D/s isn’t going to make things better. Be resilient and be the catalyst for the change you need by starting the conversation. Know that the change probably isn’t going to happen the way you think it is, and it requires time and patience.

    What are you most looking forward to in the upcoming year of your Dom/sub dynamic?

    Sir Zuegi >> Letting go of more of my apprehension and self-doubt. Knowing that my boy enjoys when I take control and break the normal vanilla norms and take us into a better, more exciting D/s headspace.

    boy s37 >> Allowance – allowing this boy to become the submissive he knows he is and that he knows he needs to be. This boy will do his best to get out of his own way so that Sir can take/have more of His boy. This boy will achieve this by not controlling the process, and by making himself more vulnerable and available to live in the present.

    Approved for posting by Sir Zuegi.

  • How Collars Shape Our Dom/sub dynamic

    How Collars Shape Our Dom/sub dynamic

    “A gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a man perfected without trials.” – Lucias Seneca

    boy s37

    The work day for Your boy is over for today -may Your boy wear Your chain collar Sir?

    (s37 approaches Sir Zuegi with collar in hand and presents for Him)

    Sir Zuegi

    Yes boy.

    (Sir Zuegi reaches for the collar to lock it on His boy)

    Recently, we had a detailed conversation about collaring and what it means to Sir Zuegi and His boy s37.  In this blog entry, we will describe how collars are used in our D/s (Dom/sub) dynamic, the meaning behind them, and how that is evolving over time.

    What does the collar mean to Sir and His boy?

    Sir Zuegi: For Me, the collar represents my domination over my boy. It is both a physical and psychological item that transforms my headspace. When I see my boy in his collar it is a visual representation of our dynamic. I enjoy being asked at events if he is collared for Me, which I excitedly reply yes. The collar is both a tangible item that is our dynamic and also portrays that to others as well.

    boy s37: For this boy, the collar represents my commitment to Sir Zuegi as His leatherboy, and so long as I am allowed to wear His collar, then this boy is dedicated to all He expects of me.  The collar gives me an incredible sense of security and belonging.  When in Sir’s collar, this boy feels part of something much larger and is compelled to be a more obedient boy focused on improving for Him.  

    What are the collar types in our D/s dynamic?

    In our D/s relationship, Sir has defined four physical collar types and one virtual collar type:

    Physical Types:

    Daily Collar – This collar is a thin piece of leather with a handmade glass pendant of the leatherboy flag.  This collar represents Sir’s boy’s will to serve and uphold the values of the leathermen lifestyle.  This boy is often in this collar and wears it throughout the day when at work.  This collar is more easily disguisable as most would see it as art and wouldn’t understand the significance of it.  Sir has a matching BDSM glass flag pendant, which He sometimes wears.

    Chain Collar – This collar is a heavy chain and lock that can only be removed with a key.  This collar is more substantial and harder to disguise as it is tight enough around the neck to not be easily hidden under a shirt.  This collar carries more significance for public protocol that Sir requires.

    Training Collar – This is a leather locking collar with a simple D ring in the front for a leash attachment.  This collar is worn when Sir expects a high level of communication protocol from His boy.  This collar carries a number of service requirements that establish a more formal setting between Sir and His boy.

    Bondage Collar – This is a leather or rubber locking collar with many bondage D rings for attachment.  Leather or rubber is used depending on the context the collar is being used in.  These collars have the highest level communication protocol requirement.  The collars are generally used in the dungeon playspace or when Sir requires absolute control and obedience from His boy.

    Virtual Type:

    No-Collar: The no-collar is a virtual collar type that Sir’s boy can wear when Sir tells His boy he is to be in no-collar mode or when His boy uses the safeword and requests to be in no-collar mode.  The no-collar effectively turns off all protocols and expectations that a physical collar carries and symbolizes.  This collar can be used during certain travel scenarios or when visiting family in order to shut off our D/s protocol and ritual requirements.  We have found that this prevents having D/s expectations during times when it is difficult to maintain the lifestyle, however this gets used very infrequently.

    What are our current collar rituals and protocols?

    This is where things get interesting and differ in our D/s dynamic.  Many of the protocols and service expectations in our D/s are dependent and tied to the usage of the various collar types.  Each collar represents a level of protocol and service requirement that Sir expects.  

    The following are examples:

    • Daily Collar: When wearing this collar, this boy must always perform the AM ritual, which informs Sir of this boy’s chastity status and days since last allowed release.  
    • Chain Collar: This boy walks slightly behind Sir’s right heel when in public.
    • Training Collar: This boy must provide AM coffee service to Sir, ensuring Sir has His coffee the way He likes it right out of bed.
    • Bondage Collar: This boy should be in a kneeling present position and awaiting any order from Sir.  If kneeling is not appropriate then this boy will be in standing present.

    This is only a sampling – as each collar has numerous protocols and service expectations.  Each collar inherits the protocols before it, so as an example, the bondage collar represents all the controls for bondage, training, chain and daily collar types.  This makes it so that the collars build on each other.

    The collar types with associated protocols, rituals and services has been a great tool to structure our BDSM dynamic.  What this boy most appreciates about this structure is that he can clearly understand what is expected of him based on what collar Sir has placed him in.  

    How is collaring evolving in our relationship?

     Both Sir and His boy agree that collaring has been a significant part of our D/s dynamic, and therefore we continue to grow with this and be clear with each other on expectations and challenges.  During a recent conversation about collaring, a number of areas were identified for growth and improvement.  We continue to work through these as a means to strengthen our commitment.

    Sir identified a challenge where it sometimes isn’t clear to Him when His boy is done with work and able to be in a more service mindset.  While this boy always aims to serve, there are challenges during the work week, especially since this boy works from home which blurs any boundaries.  We are working to solve this through collaring, and this boy is now requesting Sir’s permission to wear His chain collar after the workday is done.  This has created a clear delineation in the day and feels like a much more natural transition.  Also, this boy has noticed that his stress levels go down immediately when Sir places the chain around His boy’s neck.

    Sir is often gone for business, and this leaves His boy to figure out collar changes on his own.  Our current collaring protocols do not define this well, and His boy identified this as a challenge area.  This boy wants to honor Sir’s collars and His expectations for them, and feels he needs more structure to know when to collar and change collars for Sir.

    The current daily-collar isn’t shower or workout friendly, which requires this boy to remove it at times throughout the day.  Sir’s collar gives this boy such an incredible sense of security that removing it, even for a brief period, interrupts this boy’s sense of connectedness.  Therefore, a more durable daily-collar could reduce and/or eliminate the need for most removals.

    Lastly, protocols, rituals and services tied to each collar continue to evolve as Sir sees fit to help with His boy’s growth and development.  This is a constant evolution that will continue to morph and change as Sir’s needs and expectations change.  

    This boy is grateful to wear Sir’s collars, and wears each of them with a sense of pride and gratitude.  This boy looks forward to this continued evolution as we work to make our D/s dynamic stronger and more resilient.

    What role does collaring play in your relationship? How have your collaring expectations changed over time and where do you see them going?

    Approved for posting by Sir Zuegi.

  • Power Exchange: Establishing a Relationship Imbalance

    Power Exchange: Establishing a Relationship Imbalance

    “Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

    It was almost a year ago now that we began transforming our relationship into a D/s (Dominant/submissive) dynamic and embracing a leathermen lifestyle.  It has been a fun ride, and we have definitely faced some challenges along the way.  One of the greatest challenges has been defining a power exchange dynamic that supports and allows our D/s to grow.  In this blog entry, we will discuss some of the steps we are taking and some of the lessons we have learned along the way.

    First, the power exchange – notice that we are not calling it total power exchange (TPE) as it is often called in the BDSM community.  We decided early on that exchanging total power between us wasn’t practical.  We came to that conclusion after trying a couple of power exchange ideas and learning that they did little for our dynamic.  It was through this trial and error that we learned that total power exchange wasn’t practical for us.  So, we landed on power exchange (PE) without total-exchange being the goal.  Overcoming this mental barrier and understanding that power exchange didn’t have to be “total” in scope helped us establish a more practical approach for creating desired power imbalance in our relationship.

    The further we get into this D/s lifestyle, the more we’ve felt the benefits of having defined Dominant and submissive roles.  The deeper we go, the more we want, but at times our desires go beyond our knowledge of how to get deeper.  This is where new learning has helped, and through podcasts, books, and conferences we have learned techniques to expand our understanding and thinking about BDSM and power exchange.

    We recently listened to an episode of the Loving BDSM podcast titled, “How to Be Consistent in D/s | Making D/s Work in the Real World”.  This was an incredible episode, and it helped my Dom and I understand the need for practical application of power-exchange.  Early on, we had tried power exchange protocols around financial control, but we discovered that this did little for Him or His sub, and therefore it did not contribute to our dynamic.  Based on these past experiences and the new learning from the podcast, we sat down and discussed areas in our relationship where we felt power exchange could be more interesting and successful.  We wrote down our ideas, and from this, we came up with the following list:

    • Chores
    • Diet control
    • Fitness
    • Gear/Uniform
    • Goals
    • Grooming
    • Kink Events
    • Online Presence
    • Personal Care
    • Sexual Control

    As we discussed each area, we identified specific ideas where both Sir and His boy had a common interest.  If His boy had an interest but Sir did not, then it did not make the list and vice versa.  What we discovered is that we have many areas in our life with shared interest where Sir can focus on taking control from His boy.  The following are examples of ideas we are exploring further:

    • Diet control > Accountability
    • Diet control > Meal planning
    • Fitness > Boxing sport/practice
    • Fitness > Fitness goal progress
    • Gear/Uniform > Care, cleaning, organizing
    • Gear/Uniform > Earning and control of gear/uniform items
    • Gear/Uniform > Gear item wishlist

    With our list of specific ideas, we are now elaborating on how to achieve some of these.  Sir is prioritizing these discussions and determining what rituals and/or protocols are required to facilitate a power-exchange that satisfies Him.  We are right in the middle of this process, and our most recent changes are to better develop Fitness goals and how they are achieved.  You are beginning to see some of these changes here on this blog and at the jockboydiary.

    Sir and His boy look forward to further exploration of power-exchange in our D/s dynamic, and this boy is thankful to be accountable to Sir in new and expanding ways. In a future blog post, this boy will elaborate on specific power-exchange examples and how they contribute to our D/s.

    What are ways you are using power exchange in your relationship? What are some challenges you have faced along the way and have you been able to overcome them?

    Approved for posting by Sir Zuegi.

  • Navigating My Kink Journey: Finding Authenticity

    Navigating My Kink Journey: Finding Authenticity

    Success comes from curiosity, concentration, perseverance and self-criticism. – Albert Einstein

    I have had many new experiences in the last 60 days, each of which could be its own blog entry.  I appeared in full formal leather uniform in public with Sir for the very first time in March!  I volunteered for a local Avatar leather club BDSM play party – which was my first time ever volunteering for a leather event or attending a public play party!  My Sir and I participated in a local community leather social get together to meet folks in our local community.  And, we attended CLAW 25 in Cleveland, where I saw a spectacular presentation on boxing which absolutely blew my mind (who knew there were others that shared a boxing/fight kink)! I even learned some new fast and quick rope tie bondage techniques which really piqued my bondage interests.

    And, you ask, how do I feel about all of this?  OVERWHELMED!

    Let’s start back at the beginning…. back in mid 2024, I joined a book club hosted by the Chicago Leather Archive & Museum, and I committed to reading and reviewing three books – Real Service by Raven Kaldera & Joshua Tenpenny, Protocols – A Variety of View: A Power Exchange Resource Book by Bob Rubel & L.C. Morgynn and The Deep Psychology of BDSM and Kink by Douglas Thomas.  What transpired after this new learning has been a rapid pace and aggressive growth journey that I still find myself on to this day.  From all of this new learning, I concluded that I need to be more authentic with myself and that I need to pursue my full identity by embracing leather.

    I have been kink-positive my entire adult life.  I’d pull out my kink identity just long enough to fulfill a need and then quickly retreat back to my socially acceptable buttoned-up adult self.  I think a lot of younger kinksters probably identify with this – it is what many of us do to maintain an interest in kink while keeping it neatly compartmentalized.  But, what characteristic traits are we shutting out by repeatedly denying ourselves the freedom of expression and an ability to live authentically?

    Flash forward to CLAW 25, and I had the pleasure to attend a talk titled, History and Legacy of Leather Clubs in the United States by Jake Woods and Dr. X-Ray.  Their presentation covered leather club history from 1885 to present.  This was a damn good presentation, and what stuck out for me was the repeating themes – the need for belonging, brotherhood and camaraderie.  140 years have passed, but little has changed as far as the same basic human needs – a sense of belonging and a need for self expression and camaraderie.

    The journey that I am on to find my leather self is presenting me with many complex challenges and emotions.  I have put a lot of pressure on myself to make this transformation real and to get results.  There is also a sense of urgency brought on by our ever changing politically charged world.  But, as much as I like to be in control of things – I am not in control of when or how this is going to happen.  During the leather club presentation at CLAW, Jake Woods asked the audience, “Where are you on your leather journey?” – and a giant light bulb went on in my head!  I am on this journey – I am seeking new learning – I am building new connections – I am in the struggle working hard at making change!

    So, what have I learned, you ask?  Sometimes you have to slow down to speed up.  I need to take more time to feel, to sense and to let these new experiences wash over.  As much as I want to control this journey – that’s just not the way this works.  This journey controls you.  You make yourself vulnerable enough and open enough – and the change happens.  Trust in the process 🙂

  • Embracing BDSM: Navigating Dom/sub Dynamic Challenges

    Embracing BDSM: Navigating Dom/sub Dynamic Challenges

    The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be. – Deb Sofield

    My Dom and I are both kinky people, and we have been since the day we met. In fact, kink is what brought us together from the time we first cruised each other on recon. We each have a vast list of kinks we like, and thankfully, we share many in common. Our interests go well beyond our kinks, and as with most relationships, it requires change and focus to keep up with the changing times. Late last year, we started to embrace BDSM, and specifically the formation of a Dom/sub dynamic between us. While we enjoy leather, sports gear, and a myriad of other fetishes, we had not yet evolved into the arena of full power play dynamics and more pronounced roles as Dom and sub.

    Making that switch to a BDSM Dom/sub style relationship dynamic has been no small effort, and we continue to learn, experiment and discover ways to make this work for us.  I will share some of my greatest challenges with this as a sub, and reflect on the things I am doing to better myself and our relationship.

    Our situation is perhaps a little unique, because we are in a committed long-term relationship that is working to implement pronounced Dom/sub roles.  While we have always been into certain aspects of kink play, many of our relationship constructs were more ‘vanilla’ in nature. We do all the things couples like to do, like buying a house, arguing over paint colors, and getting groceries together. Super kinky right?!  No, in fact, there are a bunch of mundane normal “life” things that can be pretty boring, stressful and real kink killers. Discussing finances, worrying about a career, planning for healthcare – all real buzz killers. The day to day mechanics of commitment can be challenging at best and can test any relationship.

    Now add BDSM to that mix and things get real tricky. Part of that D/s dynamic is being true to your role, and for me that is a submissive leatherboy.  I’m a pretty short fused submissive with a decent amount of self confidence and a love of managing and controlling many things in my day to day life. Knowing how to be submissive and how to let go of having full control is a real challenge for me, because frankly, I am not entirely subservient in all ways.  At times, that has left me questioning my role – am I really a submissive if I can be so controlling?  Sexually, I’m a bottom, but that doesn’t directly imply total submissiveness. After many years of soul searching, I have concluded that yes, I am submissive, but with some real quirks. What truly motivates me is being controlled by outside influences, and one of those key influencers is my Dom. Deep down, I want to please, and I crave that feeling of doing and achieving for someone else.  

    Knowing you are a submissive and acting like one is two different things. We’ll be going through our day to day lives, with me wearing my collar as a symbol of Sir’s ownership and my commitment to Him, but I still veer off path. We’ll be doing housework or some other mundane task, and I will push back or be argumentative. Why?  Because I’m an opinionated human with faults, but this action almost always kills my submissive headspace and just makes me feel lost and disconnected.  So, why do I do it – why does it happen over and over?  It is habit and we humans tend to fall back to what we know regardless of how it makes us feel.  Even though it degrades my headspace and works against everything I am working hard to achieve, it happens over and over. And, it doesn’t just create challenges for me, it creates role challenges for my Dom. So, how does one resolve this?

    They say the first step is to fixing something is admitting you have a problem. So, here we are, step one – check.  The next step is putting effort into correcting the problem. A hallmark of BDSM and the D/s dynamic is behavior modification – or more specifically, behavior emulation of a desired role. I desire to be a better sub, one that is easier to live with, one that obeys, and one that works really hard to earn Sir’s trust and respect. To achieve that in a 24×7 dynamic, means respecting and honoring the little things – the really mundane stuff like making the bed, which Sir requires of His boy. It isn’t just the kinky-sexy stuff, but also the little day to day stuff.  It’s caring about the details and executing in a way that respects Sir’s wishes and demonstrates the utmost respect for Him and for my role.  It is respecting myself and working to achieve outcomes that make me feel good about who I am becoming – His leatherboy.

    They say it is the journey and not the destination, and in terms of BDSM, nothing could be more true. We aren’t born who we want to be – we become that image of who we want to be by emulating the behaviors that we most desire to posses. I desire to be less controlling, more caring, and a true leatherboy – mind, body and soul.

    There is no perfect solution to this challenge for me yet. So far, I have learned to observe and to communicate. Through these practices, I grow closer to my goal, and with time and energy, I believe our D/s dynamic will grow stronger.  I wouldn’t trade this growth opportunity and all of its challenges for anything in the world.

  • Self Development

    Self Development

    “We become what we want to be by consistently being what we want to become each day.”

    One of the biggest challenges adopting a D/s dynamic has been figuring out when and how to be in character.  Our current selves don’t possess all the Dom/sub characteristics that we would like to have.  We both desire to further develop into a future state that possesses all these characteristics of who we want to be, but where do you even start with all this change?

    For us, this comes down to character development.  We’re all playing a character in our day to day lives – characters that have been adapted to the norms we accept to be true and that embody our beliefs of who we are.  In order to change that character that we play, we first have to expose ourselves to new ideas and new truths.  We need to be able to define that future state self so that we can cast ourselves in those roles.  Sir Zuegi and I have been working on just that.

    Sir Zuegi has defined His future state character as a more Dominant role – one that would like more of His personal needs and desires cared for.  His character wants to take direct control over s37s physical self, so that He can get the specific outcomes that He desires from him.  He wants to draw out more of the obedient behavioral characteristics in s37 while training His boy to be less temperamental, less controlling and short with Him.   s37 has defined his future self character as a deeper submissive role and a boy that is much more subservient and loyal to Sir Zuegi.  s37 wants to greatly reduce his controlling ways where he must have everything his own way.  s37 sees making himself more vulnerable by focusing on the behaviors that Sir Ziuegi desires in him while also reducing the temperamental and short fused behaviors that make him feel irritable and dissatisfied.

    The idea of these future-self characters came from hours of communicating with each other.  One evening we sat down and listed the goals of our future state selves, and now, we are working towards learning these characters as a means to grow into our desired future-state roles.  Doing this work isn’t easy, and it is sometimes hard to know when to switch into these roles and how.  This is especially true if you live together 24×7 and are used to just being a certain way with each other.  We are currently experimenting with triggers, which are a means to remind you (trigger you) that you should be playing your new future state character.  Each time I find myself triggered, I go deeper into my headspace and make more of a conscious effort to possess my character’s desired state characteristics.  The hope is that eventually these characteristics become completely natural, and part of my subconscious self.

    We have a very exciting opportunity to create a new trigger and somewhat of a new lifestyle together.  We are planning to spend a decent amount of our time together in Chicago, which is away from our current home.  We are actively working to make the Chicago living arrangement a trigger for practicing our new future state characters.  We are actively going through the exercise of defining rituals and protocols that will make the Chicago experience feel different from our current home.  We think that being in a different environment will help us expand beyond our current norms and explore avenues and aspects of our personalities that we have not yet fully explored.  We are very excited to see how this experience changes us, and how these influences reshape the dynamic we have with each other as we work towards a robust 24×7 D/s relationship.

    One idea that excites this boy very much is Sir having an all leather wingback chair in the Chicago space that is one-hundred percent His domain.  This boy visualizes a deeper level of service towards Him in that chair.  We are in the beginning stages of defining this chair and its symbolism as a trigger for Him to reach His Dominant goals and for His boy to reach his submissive goals.  One idea is for this boy to always be in a standing or kneeling present position when Sir is in this chair and I happen to be in that same room.  We are currently collecting and writing down ideas for this trigger, and we are both extremely excited to see how this helps us to achieve greater role development.

    Growing a true BDSM relationship and working towards a 24×7 dynamic in a 24×7 relationship can be very challenging.  We continue to explore and to find ways to grow ourselves and our dynamic together.  We are discovering new and creative ways to get deeper and more immersive in the things we believe will get us closer to our desired goals.  

    What are techniques you have used to grow in a BDSM dynamic?  Have you been able to grow personally in your role, and if so, what led you to your greatest growth?

  • Planning for Growth

    Planning for Growth

    “You must do things that you think you cannot do.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

    In a time not so far away, I would’ve only dreamt of living in a full-time 24×7 D/s dynamic.  But, with courage, the power of communication, and goal setting and planning, we are on our way to achieving just that.

    I have always been a somewhat goal oriented person.  But, there is a catch – deep down – I want to make that achievement for someone else.  I want to be accepted and rewarded for good behavior and corrected and disciplined when I veer off.  I want to improve for my Sir, and improve in areas that will please Him most.  I want to feel His support and I want to submit to Him for my failings so that I am fully accountable to Him.  I want to be there for Him in ways that He needs me to be so that I am part of His growth and development.  Together, I want us to achieve great things and to grow together.

    In late 2024, we set out to define goals to further our pursuit of BDSM and to achieve greater health and wellness.  As much as I’d like to just be assigned goals and told what I will achieve, there is a practical aspect required to truly implement a healthy 24×7 D/s dynamic.  Therefore, we approached this in a much more collaborative way.  Over the course of several sessions, we drafted and iterated on a set of goals that we felt could be achieved and that would further our growth.  What made this possible was open and transparent communication, and the willingness to be open with each other about what we want for ourselves as well as for each other.

    To anchor our goal setting process in BDSM, each goal and/or goal change must be presented and approved by Sir.  This gives Sir ultimate authority and control over what His boy is focused on.  We completed this process, and Sir has approved each of the following goals:

    Leather Lifestyle Goals:

    [Approved by Sir Zuegi 6-Dec-2024] My boy and I will work to implement leather lifestyle and BDSM principles to support our growth as individuals and as life partners.  I will work to grow in my role as Dom, and my boy s37 will work to grow in his role as my collared sub.

    [Approved by Sir Zuegi 6-Dec-2024] My boy and I will create and maintain a contract and set of leathermen household protocols to live by.  I expect My boy to enter a service contract with me and follow my required protocols.

     [Approved by Sir Zuegi 6-Dec-2024] My boy and I will attend leather and BDSM oriented community events.  I expect my boy to demonstrate respect and to represent us well at all events I allow him to attend.

    [Approved by Sir Zuegi 6-Dec-2024] My boy will practice leather care in his role as my bootblack.  I expect him to be learning and practicing to ensure proper care of all of our leather household gear.

    Learning Goals:

    [Approved by Sir Zuegi 6-Dec-2024] We will each be learning new BDSM techniques to further our growth and development.  This will include books, videos and hands-on training classes and seminars.  I expect my boy to regularly share his  learnings, findings and experiences.

    Health & Fitness Goals:

    [Approved by Sir Zuegi 22-Dec-2024] My boy s37 will develop a physique that is pleasing to me and that aligns with an athletic and muscular build with a targeted body fat percentage of 10-15%, a chest measure of 40”, bicep measures of 14”, a shoulder measure of 46” and thigh measures of 24”.

    [Approved by Sir Zuegi 6-Dec-2024] My boy s37 will develop and maintain a rock solid core with a chiseled and visible set of abs that’s pleasing to me.

    [Approved by Sir Zuegi 6-Dec-2024] My boy s37 will develop and maintain excellent cardiovascular health and endurance so that he performs well for all of my required training.

    [Approved by Sir Zuegi 6-Dec-2024] My boy s37 will track and maintain our fitness progress through body measurements and regular performance tracking and make this info available for greater accountability.

    [Approved by Sir Zuegi 6-Dec-2024] My boy s37 will be held responsible for delivering measurable progress towards his health & fitness goals as well as towards mine.  I expect my boy to assist me in whatever ways necessary to ensure we are both delivering measurable results that satisfy me.

    [Approved by Sir Zuegi 6-Dec-2024] I will build a more muscular physique and eat a balanced diet to maintain good health and physical form. A measurable goal of a 35 in waist, a 38″ belly and a targeted body fat percentage of 20%.

    Community Goals:

    [Approved by Sir Zuegi 6-Dec-2024] I expect my boy to volunteer for one or more leather/BDSM organizations as a means to give back to the community.

    [Approved by Sir Zuegi 6-Dec-2024] I expect my boy to maintain a public facing blog that supports writings around my goals for him, and other topics of interest that I assign and approve for him.

    I would encourage anyone into BDSM to define goals and doing so collaboratively in a relationship makes a lot of sense.  You can add a D/s aspect by layering in protocols for goal approval, goal review and goal progress checks.  Set achievable goals, but also some that will push you and drive you towards growth. 

    The purpose of this blog is to showcase writings about goal progress and achievements throughout the year as required by Sir’s approved community goal for his boy.  Stay tuned for progress updates as well as info on goal progress and challenges as we progress through the year.

    Do you have goals as part of your BDSM dynamic?  If so, leave a comment below and share any recommendations you have on how to incorporate goals and manage to them as part of a kink dynamic.