Being of Service

The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others. – Mahatma Gandhi

In the second half of 2024, my Dom and I started the process of taking our relationship in a new direction.  We decided to move towards a Dom/sub dynamic and to fully embrace the leathermen BDSM lifestyle. And with that, we took to educating ourselves and learning more about what that might look like.

Few resources out there approach the effort of adapting an existing relationship with D/s. The more we read and learned about protocols and service, the more complex the effort began to look and feel. When you have been with someone for many years, norms that define your relationship naturally develop over time.  In our case, my Dom does many of the day to day chores around the house. However, I do much of our personal finances as well as many handyman type things.  Together we are also property managers, and so we are effectively in business together. Much of the control and dynamic in our relationship formed based on our individual skills and personalities. But, we both desire changing some of that. 

I wanted something that looked different, and through much discussion, Sir Zuegi desired more control over us and over our household. I desperately want and feel the need to relinquish control to develop a stronger attachment to my leatherboy/sub identity and to Him. But as they say, wanting something and planning for it are two different things.

We are still in the middle of this process, and I discuss with my Dom my desire to feel I am in more service to Him on a regular basis. Recently, for my birthday, I asked my Dom for a service I could give Him as my birthday gift. He established that His boy should make the bed for Him daily. I am now a month into providing this service to Him, and this very mundane thing I do for Him now feels very deep and personal and I look forward to doing this for Him every day.  And, as I have recently discovered, I can continue doing this for Him when we travel by making sure our hotel bed is made.  It is a simple thing, but with important symbolism.

I want to serve Him more, and I do struggle with how to approach that and what specifically I can do for Him. I have to remind myself that this dynamic change is still new and that it is better to give it time and allow our relationship to redevelop based on newly established norms. We continue to communicate about this very often.  I am trying to balance my service need with better mindset focus, so that I regularly reflect on what I do for Him now. For example, my remaining locked in chastity for Him is an important way for me to serve Him based on His desire to have me locked. Also, I focus on my diet and workouts so that my physical fitness level better pleases Him. It is sometimes easy to forget what you are doing in favor of always wanting more. 

We will continue to work on this in 2025, and I look forward to sharing with all of you how our D/s dynamic evolves over time. Have you been through the development of a D/s dynamic in your relationship?  If so, what did you learn along the way?  Leave a comment, we’d love to hear from you.